If You’re 40ish, We’re Here To Convince You That You Definitely Need Lingerie
We know you’re cringing at the idea of squeezing your bits into something uncomfortable and “sexy,” but hear us out.
by Abigail Bassett
Some of us are lucky and start to feel more powerful as we age.
Some of us aren't, and things just kind of cool and diminish in the bedroom. Sometimes it is literally just the stage of life/work/kids/health - and 99% of the time, it's (mostly) in our heads. We're not communicating with our partner in a way that feels fulfilling, or we're distracted by the constant pull of work, kids, the economy, politics, or what the hell we’re going to make for dinner…You get it.
Listen, the benefit of this age is that at this point in our lives, most of us know what we've got (physically speaking), and we know what we like, both when it comes to clothing and when it comes to our turn-ons. But ask yourself this: When was the last time you put on something that made you feel hot? Like actually made YOU go: "Oh. Heeellllooo, ladies, and gentlemen. I have arrived."
There’s this false idea that in order to feel hot, we have to conform to some outside idea of what makes us sensual and powerful. Society tells us we have to have perkier boobs, a smaller waist, a shapely butt, no wrinkles, and be ready to go at it like rabbits the moment our partners are.
But what if feeling sexy was really about tapping into your own turn-ons? What if you put something on for yourself instead of dressing for others? What if you chose to approach it from the perspective of your own pleasure instead of someone else's? What would that even look like?
There’s a hack for getting in the mood, and it can be distilled down to just seven simple words.
Wear something that makes you feel sensual.
It doesn't have to be “sexy underwear.” It doesn't even have to be underwear. Trust me; I too grew up on a steady diet of Victoria’s Secret catalogs and Seventeen Magazine, all of which did a pretty solid job of convincing me that my athletic body wasn’t hot enough. But you know what? They were wrong.
Clothing that makes you feel sensual doesn't have to be racy either. It can be a pair of shorts, a crop top, a pair of jeans, the perfect swimsuit, or, yes, that teddy you’ve balled up and tossed to the back of your underwear drawer and which is tangled up with that one pair of nylons without a run in them (#seen). Hell, it can be deciding to wear no underwear at all. The only requirement for this trick to work is that you feel incredibly sensual, powerful, and attractive wearing (or not) wearing it, and only you have to know it.
Beautiful Basics
If you grew up in the 80s and 90s, you know the appeal of the perfect button-down paired with simple briefs or a thong and maybe even a pair of scrunchie socks. I KNOW! The Kate Moss/Nikki Taylor era of supermodels has permanently made this look a smoldering way to turn up the heat around the house. Here are a couple of our favorite sexy basics.
Skims Fits Everybody Dipped Front Thong
Yes, we know, it's Kimmy K., But seriously, we’re slightly obsessed with the whole Skims line, and this thong would be perfect with a slouchy button-down. Plus it doesn’t show under the slimmest fitting clothing and comes in a variety of sizes all the way up to 4x and down to XXS – and only you have to know it’s there since it won't cut into your hips or thighs. We also really like their Jelly sheers.
You can get it on Skims, or you can get the non-dipped front version on Nordstrom.
Price: $18
Negative Sieve Triangle Bra
I’ve been a fan of Negative’s Sieve mesh for a long time, because it has that subtle hint of sexiness with the perfect amount of comfort and coverage. It’s the balance we spend our lives looking for. And once we find it, it’s pretty much all we wear.
Price: $70
CUUP The Plunge Mesh Bra and The Thong
If you want to be both comfortable and sexy, try this CUUP set. The gorgeous sheer bra and racy modal thong come in 17 different colors and sizes up to XXXL and 44H, and you can pick and choose different colors and sizes for tops and bottoms.
Price: $68 for the bra, $20 for the thong
The Middle-of-the-Road Racy Things
Bluebella and Gooseberry make lovely lingerie that won't break the bank. Both brands offer everything from racy ouverts and sensual chemises to sheer bras and underwear and glam longline bras and high-waisted underwear, in a range of inclusive sizes. Bluebella, in particular, excels at blending various sizing with sexy options. The pricing can’t really be beat either. Here are a couple of our favorites from Bluebella and Gooseberry.
Bluebella Mandra Thong
We love the wide hip bands and the criss-cross pattern of this good-looking thong. Plus, there’s a whole line of Mandra pieces that can be put together to craft your perfect lingerie look. And it comes in sizes up to 2XL.
Price: $28
Bluebella Sawyer Bra
This Sawyer Bra mimics the same criss-cross pattern as the Mandra line and comes in sizes up to 42G.
Price: $64
Gooseberry Bliss Bodysuit
If you are more of a bodysuit person, this one from Gooseberry should tickle your fancy. With luxury touches like lace cups and gold detailing on the straps, you’re sure to feel sensual.
Price: $145
The Pricey Playthings
If you’re more of a “European lingerie and nothing else” person, expect to pay a pretty penny for these lux pieces.
Some European sizing only goes up to U.S. 14, but Cosabella is such a go-to for its incredible curvy and extended size range.
These pieces are sure to leave you a bit breathless (and not just because of the price). If knowing you've got a lux little secret under your clothing is a turn on, these are for you.
Cosabella Never Say Never
Crop Cami
If you're less of a teddy or bra/underwear person, this sexy cami might just do the trick. It's soft, stretchy, and wireless but with support that complements curves to perfection.
Price: $79
Cosabella Never Say Never
High Waisted Bikini
Match the soft cami with these racy high-waist bottoms and you've got the perfect set.
Price: $45
Agent Provacateur Nixie Brief
This one is all about subtle details and a superb fit. The sheer tulle gives a barely there look, while still offering a bit of structure and support.
Price: $140
Tous Les Jours Longline Bra
Balance out a very racy bottom with a more modest silk longline bra that looks like something out of a Marilyn Monroe movie. It also happens to be incredibly comfortable.
Price: $174
Maison Close Openable Thong with Harness
Yes, this is just a tiny bit of fabric, and it’s $50. If you’re looking for minimal coverage and plenty of teasing, this might just be the best $50 you spend.
Price: $59
Maison Close Madame Rêve Playsuit
Sheer and lovely, this teddy is sure to make you feel like you’ve stepped out of old Hollywood. Plus you can layer other gorgeous pieces underneath.
Price: $130
Abigail Bassett
Abigail Bassett is an award-winning journalist, writer, on-air talent, and television producer with more than two decades of diverse media experience. A winner of numerous awards, including two Emmys, she's covered everything from health and wellness, beauty, global trends, and travel to breaking news and worldwide events for top-tier outlets all over the world.
At The Candidly, we try a lot of stuff so you don’t have to. We only recommend things we truly love, and that we think you’ll love, too. All products are chosen independently by our creative team, and all details reflect the price and availability of products at the time of publication. If you buy something we link to, The Candidly may earn a commission.
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